I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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