I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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