But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
