I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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