if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
birth control should be required to get into college
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
