Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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