She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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