was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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