I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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