smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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