road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
