After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize