Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
