Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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