If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
