Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
