Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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