I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
