P.S. I can't hear my feet
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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