Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
