he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
