Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
