how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
