My room smells like vodka and shame
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
