dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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