Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
