Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
