I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
