i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
