is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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