I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize