So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize