sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize