So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Shame is for Republicans.
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