i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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