Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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