THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
