I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
