Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize