I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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