Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
