Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
