this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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