i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
