Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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