tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
