She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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