I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your dad touched me again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
