I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
