90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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