I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
