I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
