nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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