from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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