I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is the high leading the old right now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My life is pants optional.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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