My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
