Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
