You just made me feel so damn special
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
