Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
