You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
