Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
