she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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